We drove into Messina and stopped for a glance at the city center. Strolling over an empty town square my wife said, “you hear that”? We both heard it, it was the grand organ of the Messina Cathedral. We entered the Cathedral and participated in the Mass of that day. A straight hour of free-flowing tears and heart-wrenching emotions followed.
Fathersday ’22 has been the strangest and most mixed day of the year for me. It’s both embracing the joy of having been Dino’s extremely proud father for a little more than a year. In that same year, I lost my father very unexpectedly. He was just 57 years old and not getting to say goodbye is a grief I will carry forever. Fast-forward another 6 months, my grandpa, his father, passes at the age of 92.
This iconic picture you see here was taken on the 26th of September 2021. To capture 4 generations aged 0–92 was heaven on earth. Now, a year later, the pain is unreal. The Van Kleefs that passed away were both men characterized by loyalty, integrity, kindness, and a seemingly unreachable inner life. The organ of the Messina Cathedral reminded me of the many concerts I visited with my Father, we both loved it. I will never forget the broad smile of delight on his face when we enjoyed our last concert together and we heard Bach’s Schmuke Dich, O Liebe Seele, being performed by the legendary Daniel Roth in Leiden.
Moving forward in this life without the wisdom of my father and grandfather is going to be hard. All that is left is the example they set for me. In what they did and did not do. As they both did not speak very much, their actions truly spoke louder than words. And while they don’t speak anymore, each day I get to enjoy the smile and gibberish of Dino. He is a personality on his own ready to kick some ass in this world. Or not, no pressure!
It’s important to hold yourself accountable for who you are, and who you are not. That’s certainly important when you become a father. As men grow up, they need examples that they want to follow. As a father, you can shoulder that responsibility and raise men that can be great in this world. Greatness to me is having the lion’s courage to live according to your values and to lift people and causes that matter. Not a celebration of ego.
By speaking out on what tortured my soul I hope to allow more space for the good things in life. Years ago, I opted to take on difficult challenges in life to explore the depths of my own character. It has brought me an abundance of memorable and meaningful experiences. Lessons learned, successes celebrated, and meaningful relationships formed. The latter the only thing that makes life truly worth it.
Family first, always.
Best, Bram
